Day Four

Our blessings for the day include that we have water and food and the financial resources to be able to provide for ourselves.  We have a faith that is helping us know that we are loved by a merciful God.  This sounds ironic, but if we had been in town my husband may have perished.  He always hated going down to the basement in hazardous storms and we would argue every time.  I grew up in Fort Worth, Texas and experienced the devastation of the downtown tornadoes when I was in high school.  I will never not go into a basement and I will always heed this warning.  My husband had not experienced this first hand.  He has since acknowledged to me that this will not be the case any longer. 

I had to count to figure out how many days it has been with this post.  It's crazy.  Today they announced on the news that the tornado that went through Joplin and my house was an EF 5 tornado.  It was a hard day.  We got up and went out to our belongings in the barn.  We started the process of separating out what was going to survive now that it was out of the rain for one day and what was not going to survive.  I did not know that there are some things that you should not keep after a tornado due to the plastics becoming toxic.  I would never wish this experience on anyone and I am some what happy to bare this experience since I was not at home.

We were encouraged to start a list of items for our insurance claim.  That is strange.  Sectioning out our house to account for everything we own.  Really, how do you do that?  It is wonderful that my husband is so methodical.  He just works wonders.  We had another friend come and bring boxes; there are none in Joplin or the surrounding cities.  There are also no Rubbermaid tubs or similar anywhere.  Much of what was in the basement was in tubs already, but what was not needed to be transferred into something that had not weathered the storm.  We worked on this with a friend for the day.  It was nice to have someone to just be there as you went through what was left.  She came and helped us work through the stuff piece by piece.  She brought towels and paper towels and boxes of all sizes.  We worked for several hours. 

Both my boss called and Josh's boss called about our status.  My boss told me that she did not expect me to come back.  I currently work for a company in a contracted position outside of town where I was going to have to drive a little over an hour to and from work.  Due to being displaced, I am not sure if this situation is an option aside from the emotional aspect of my practice.  (A social work ethical tenet is that we should be emotionally healthy while practicing and if we are not, we should seek assistance with coping with our needs.)  Josh's boss just wanted to check in.  My boss lives in Springfield, which is were our office is, but was in Joplin on Sunday for a family get together.  She has family ties to the area.  She and her husband’s family , as well as their seven month old infant, were all safe and her car even survived the storm as it was in a garage.  I am so thankful she and her family were alright.

My sister called and we talked for a good long while.  Today was the first day that I was able to take phone calls and actually answer questions.  It was nice.  Everyday since the event, I was answering phone calls and was only able to talk for five to ten minutes before I had to hang up.  It has just been too busy.  We went back into the non-destruction zone and met with some of our friends.  I remember thinking that it was strange to be just sitting in a shop with no where to go.  Under normal circumstances we would just head home afterwards since most of these stores were just a couple miles or so from our house.  Afterwards, we left and went to one of the few stores left in the area and got some supplies to continue packing up our belongings.  While shopping, I saw one of my old clients.  (I am a social worker, so due to confidentiality, I am not supposed to approach clients unless they acknowledge me in public.  I have explained this to all my clients.)  This caused me to unexpectedly break down crying in the middle of Wal-Mart.  There was no reason other than the fact that he was one of my favorites and I was so happy to see him across the store.  He did not see me thankfully as I was not emotionally ready to speak to him.  This experience showed me that I am not ready to return to work.  Thankfully I realized this before June 2^nd when I was scheduled to return to work.  I am now happily unemployed.  We went through Joplin a totally different route.  We did not even go south to leave, we just went due west.  We always go south; so much so that my husband keeps asking me which roads connect to the highways.

During this time, I heard too many stories of people who were still missing or who narrowly were alive.  We were notified by a friend that they found one of our neighbors and her son in the rubble of a house just two doors down dead.  Even writing that now, makes me cry.  The feeling is just crushing.  We were there just yesterday and she was there also.  I almost fee a sense of responsibility...I know I shouldn't but I do.

We went back to the house and one of the women that is living at the house long term is a dispatcher for the local university in town.  They are one of the many shelters for the area and are also a make shift morgue for the time.  There are lots of dead there that are unidentified and not counted in the now 122 death count.  Again, I am so grateful to be alive!!!

We planned with some friends to hang out that evening and play games.  We needed to relax and have some fun.  I ate my first full meal that night and it was wonderful.  While writing this, I realize that this statement will not be true the following day.  We meet with our insurance agent tomorrow and that is very nerve racking. 

I wrote this blog and other tonight and it was very humbling to process through this information.  It is now 2:30 in the morning and I am not going to sleep much tonight.  Josh and I do not sleep much and I realize, as I hear him snore, how I miss repositioning him after he falls asleep and when I come to bed.  I am very grateful for our bed and accommodations, but I am still allowed to miss this daily ritual.