Day Eighteen and Nineteen

The biggest blessing of day eighteen was that we moved back into Joplin today.  It was short and sweet.  One of the easiest moves I have ever done.  Total it took about ten minutes to move all our stuff into the new house.  I got to hang out with a friend and hold her baby for the afternoon.  Josh went back to work for the first time since the storm.  I got all our laundry done.  I was able to watch some television today and tried to get used to creating a “new normal”.

We got all our stuff packed up and moved to the new house that we are staying at.  A friend has a house that she is not living in very often and wanted us to stay there for a little while.  She works all over and is not home often.  She said we can stay until our apartment is ready which is about a month away.  I am going to be able to cook and unpack some of our stuff while we are there.  It has been incredibly frustrating to be looking for clothes and not be able to find anything.   I do not mean my favorite shirt.  I mean underwear, matching clothes, pants.  When I have been looking for pants, I would only find shirts.  I have worn a lot of dresses because of this. 

Josh went back to work today.  It was weird.  I have never been a wife that needs to be with her husband all the time.  Josh and I regularly hear that it is neat that we spend time away from each other.  I think it is very healthy.  However, I am struggling with being alone.  I feel a sense of panic when I watch television or do regular things.  This is all related to stress and trauma.  I have seriously considered going to a counselor to discuss these issues.  I obviously have not done so yet; another thing to put on my list of things to do. 

We went out to eat again after Josh fixed our hosts computer.  We then went to see a couple of friends and then went back to the house.  We got to sleep in the same bed.  Our new dwelling has a full sized bed.  It really is not that bad considering we have not slept together in almost three weeks.  I am so happy. 

Day Nineteen blessings  include how we have wonderful friends.  One of these friends brought me a purse to use for a while.  I only had one left after the storm and I needed something a little bigger.  We are back in town.  Josh is working.  I do not have to work.  After some discussion with the new job about social work licensure, talking with Josh, and talking with a friend who works at the company, I decided it would be best to not go to the interview.  It was a really good decision for right now and they encouraged me to apply later when things settle down.  I went grocery shopping.  I cooked spaghetti and Josh and I ate it at the house!  I have the best husband ever.

I spent time today mostly for myself.  I am trying to get back to normal.  We are in a place now that I can cook, which means that I got to go grocery shopping.  I also had some spa time.  I got a manicure, but it was just not the same.  My normal salon was also blown away in the tornado.  They have relocated to a beauty college in Webb City, but I just wanted a place to which I was already accustomed. 

I am at a place now where I just want to be able to stop.  I do not mean sit and be still, I mean that everything would just stop and I could go back to the way things were.  I want a “time out”, a momentum shift, a change in pitching, a pause button, etc.  I think you get the idea.  I am tired of being in a place that I am not used to and not ever knowing where things are.  None of the things are mine and I just want to be back in my own place with my own things and smelling my own home.  I have really struggled with this today. 

I had a little break down; alright, truth be told, I went crazy on Josh.  I am not perfect and I am allowed my moments of weakness in this great mess I am in.  It all started when I dropped my iPhone in the toilet.  Yes, two dunks in one week.  I am very concerned that it won’t survive this second drip.  The toilet at the house we are staying at is different than mine and my phone caught on the lip of the toilet as I was standing up and slid into the bowl.  I pulled it out and screamed.  Josh came in and tried to help, which just irritated me.  I wanted everything to stop.  We put it back in the blanket of rice to let it sit.  Then I went to get something out of the pantry and saw a giant spider.  I went to get Josh and when he came to look for it, he did not find it.  This freaked me out and I just started blubbering.  There is no reason for it.  This is when I went crazy.  Josh, in his most loving way, let me be crazy for the moment.  He listened to me as I cried and just encouraged me that we need to be in this together.  I love this man so much.  I know that I would not be able to get through this situation without him by my side.  He has taken care of so much and I know that I would be completely lost on what to do without him.  He has been invaluable to me.